type = bashert

lately, i've been hankerin' for some new ink.  the last tattoo i got was the ohio on the top of my foot, and that's been years now, so i've been getting the itch lately to get back in the chair and to hear the click and buzz of the gun.  i have been wanting a type piece forever now, and yesterday, i think i managed to figure out what type piece i'm going to get. 

a few years back, i used to work at a jewish non-profit agency.  there, i met a girl named tamar, who was orthodox, and taught me the ways of judaism.  i was her first trip through a drive thru window.  she taught me about basherts.  in yiddish, bashert means 'destiny', most often used in the context of one's divinely foreordained spouse or soulmate.  i didn't believe in destiny or soulmates, pre-mike.  i still think the term sounds hokey in a way, but i understand the meaning now, for sure.  mike and i are quite kindred.  since the beginning of our relationship, we've joked and spoke of being each others basherts.  we often share a brain.  he is, in a non-hokey way, my destined one.  so rather than getting all ghetto-billy/kiss of death and getting mike's name tattooed on me somewhere, this is a nice, more personal alternative:

in some sort of cute scripty type like so.  or handwritten-y.  as a type junkie, i'm still hashing that part out, as well as location on my person, but i'm pretty sure this is the winner for fresh ink.  [by and by, basherte would be the lady version of bashert, for the fellas, it's basherter]  now i just need to make that appointment...

yes, you!

so far, i've been mostly talking about the private, family ceremony so much that i've neglected to fill you in on the important part.  the party.  we have confirmed with the powers that be that we are officially having our public reception/party/get-down at the northside tavern!  this is pretty special, as mike and i met here the 2nd time, and it's also the spot where he popped the question.  we will be making a special invitation for this event, so be watching for this.  yes, that means you too.  everyone is welcome.  we want to celebrate with everyone who wants to be there, so come.  :) we're still working out the details of this thing, but i wanted to fill y'all in on at least this much.

i'm a bad blogger, as i missed the TUESDAY QUESTION OF THE WEEK, but i was also mourning, as you may remember.  my apologies.  to resume, and rebound my status as a good blogger, i now present the TUESDAY QUESTION OF THE WEEK!  and here it is:

would it be dumb if mike and i were to make the tavern reception party a potluck?

gypsy psychic lady

man, what a weekend. 


friday was justly sad.  i spent the day in the company of old friends and blanket confusion.  no one really understands suicide, especially when it's someone who loved life so much.  i just can't wrap my head around it yet, and i don't know if i ever will.  it was amazing to see the amount of folks that tony touched.  i will never forget that.  i will never forget him.


saturday i just worked.  well, we went to buy some plants and seeds first, but then i worked.  a funny thing happened saturday though, and i have to tell you this story.  it's pretty great.  mike's real dad lives in florida half the year, so mike just told him saturday that we were getting married.  his dad is apparently not a fan of this, for whatever reason.  i was hurt.  i tried to get over it.  i went to work.  mike visited me at work, with food, and said, "so i talked to my mom today, and she told me that kristin [sister] was in new york on business, and the group of them decided to go see a psychic."  mike continued,  telling me that the psychic told kristin during her reading that she saw an event happening in the family late summer, and although there were going to be some that weren't supportive of the event, that it's a good thing and "they are going to last".  :) 


thank you, crazy new york gypsy psychic.  i like you.

about life.

sorry for missing the tuesday question of the day, y'all, but...

bad news x2 on tuesday:
 - i found out about the apparent suicide of a friend. 
godspeed, tb.  you'll be missed more than you ever knew.  thank you for the ride home, and i'm glad we got to bond over our dads.  i will never forget that.
 - woxy.com is now defunct.  for any of you who know me, you know this is a blow as well.

i had to reconcile these two things on the couch with mike.  he's such a great fella in times like this.  i swear i will resume blog stuff on the quick, my friends, i just need a minute, you know?  see you friday after the funeral or saturday.  thanks for your understanding.  sorry for the absense, but life happens, and sometimes, it happens sadly.

rip, tony.

namaste, tony,  by robyn roth

c'est la vie

i've got a french test in the morning.  and a paper to turn in.  and then i have to go to the dentist.

found on the internet when i image searched 'french test'

BUT...  when i get back...

it's time for TUESDAY'S QUESTION OF THE DAY!  i know you can't hardly stand it!

sleep well til then!  :)

but who will marry the reverend?

many of you know that some time ago, i got ordained online through the internet miracle that is the universal life church and i have married several couples already.  even though i get nervous, i really actually love marrying couples.  it makes me feel great knowing that i had a hand [and signature] in something really special for others and it gives me great joy.  if you didn't know, well, now you do.  it's true, i am a reverend.  i like to marry folks.

one of the most frequently asked questions we've been getting is 'so who's going to marry the reverend?'

mike and i have had several discussions about this, in fact.  since it's impossible for me to marry us, we had to consider who was going to be doing our ceremony.  mike is a catholic, and i am a protestant.  going to the courthouse seemed like a bad idea, though i've considered it several times during this whole wedding planning thing.  we had a few volunteers, actually, which is awesome, but we knew in order not to be jerks concerning the folks, we needed someone close to us, semi-theist, and who would give the ceremony the propers while being on good behavior in front of the 'rents.  not saying anything bad about the volunteers [hey, dan!  hi, erin!], it's just that there seemed to be one person in particular who was really perfect for the job...

her name is roberta thorp.  she and i have been friends since 1998, where we met at a crappy job, and we've been quite close for ages.  so close, in fact, that she, her husband tom, and baby julian, live next door to us.  we were there through each other's relationship crises, crappy jobs, highs and lows, pregnancies, and i was a birthing coach for her delivery, so yeah, we are pretty stinking close.  we are doing an intimate, family ceremony so it only seemed fitting to have someone like family doing the honors of signing our papers, and roberta is family to us - i actually became a reverend because she asked me to marry her and tom; when we asked her earlier tonight if she'd return the favor, in which she excitedly and gladly accepted.  i am thrilled to have her and her family be there with us as we do this thing.  it really does mean the world to me.

tipsy me + roberta, my birthday karaoke madness 2009 

photo by nic zippanti's iphone awesomeness

a box on my porch, a text from michael...

... the accidental dress.

yep, it arrived today, the fluke of a bargain i stumbled upon. i really thought a dress that i found online for a song would never actually work - it would need too much alteration, it wouldn't look good on me, it wouldn't look like the photo, etc. i stand corrected. my $100 gamble paid off, i discovered, as i ran upstairs opening the box, took it off the hanger and slipped it on. the length is perfect. the skirt is full [but not poofy] and beautifully lined to hide all the bad stuff. the bodice of the dress needs to be taken in an inch or less. the sash is wide and long. the ivory is the perfect creamy shade. i am in love. i now have the unfortunate pleasure of giving lucia the bad news, but as a girl who loves a bargain as much as i do, i hope she'll understand. i now have my dress!

lesson learned: don't be afraid to try something unconventional. frustrated by the lack of options and the high price tags, i found a stunning, affordable dress online for TONS less than retail. there are other sites too, for not-so-conventional dresses that are totally bride-appropriate. it's not about being cheap. it's about finding what works for you, while not buying into the idea that you have to go wedding when you're having a wedding. consider destination dresses, vintage, regular retailers that have white dresses, etc. you don't have to go to david's bridal or a boutique to find something lovely. sometimes lovely shows up in some really atypical locations.

still high from feeling the silk tricotine against my skin, i am going to now get ready for dinner and a rock show with the mike. there is this running joke with cincinnati kids and northern kentucky kids that none of us cross the river to go hang out 'over there'. tonight, mike and i are actually crossing the river, having a nice dinner somewhere on main strasse, then to molly malone's to catch our friends, mallory. they are awesome. go see them play if you don't know.

hope you enjoyed the sunshine today! happy first of spring! <3

happy friday!

even though i have to work tonight, i have most of the day off, so in between bouts of sunshine i wanted to pop in and say hi. in my errand running, i am [hopefully!] picking up my ring from being resized, and maybe even looking for a gift for my one 'maid [hey kae!], but mostly just enjoying the warm on my face. cincinnati becomes pretty intolerable in the winter, so the city is alive when the sun comes out. i just want to lay in some grass somewhere with my eyes closed.

hope you all have a lovely weekend. do something fun before it rains next week.

via oh joy!

i love lists!

for anyone who knows me, they also know that i am an avid list maker. i love the feeling of making a to-do list, then crossing things off. it's so satisfying. we've been doing a lot of crossing off on our impending nuptuals list this week. it looks a little something like this:

find a venue
put down the deposit at take the cake
find a photographer
find a florist/flower source
start the dress process
narrow down dress choices with sister
start researching food options

isn't it lovely? :) sometimes i like to think that you have to do a lot of work for the right thing. other times, like now, i like to think that the universe is thanking you for making the right choice, and so it clears a path for you. literally, in 48 sweet hours, mike got his suit, we ordered a dress to check out that we found for a song, we were generously offered a venue at a price we could not refuse, we have a photographer willing to work with our budget, and babysis™ has it narrowed down to 2 dresses, both of which we like, so it really doesn't matter which one she picks and to pick the one she'd want to wear again and again. that will determine the other color in our palate. [i'm obviously very relaxed about this stuff.] mike and i have hashed out some other secret details that i cannot share yet. you'll just have to wait. :)

what i can tell you is that saturday september 18, 2010, i will officially be getting hitched to a very amazing man! the date is set. i couldn't be happier.

this weekend and next week are all about catering and flowers, i suppose, according to the list. i'm going to be researching alternatives to florists that charge 30% more just because you put the word 'wedding' in there. should be fun. my first stop is to find my own flowers. :) i'm also going to price out my friend, amy, as she reminded me recently that she's in the biz. i guess we need to hash out what we need them for first, eh? other than my whopping 2 bouquets, what else do i need?

tuesday question of the week

as i write this, mike and i are gchatting in another screen as he is composing an email to one of the venues with last minute questions before we say yes. i am so thrilled with the details that are being hashed out these last few days - it's making it easier to breathe! i was sort of getting convinced that my original mission was not possible, that cincinnati was just so far gone that there was only one way to skin the wedding cat here, and that was starting to really bum me out. fortunately, i have an inspiring future husband person and a perserverance that gets to be downright annoying at times, and things are starting to turn in our favor. :)

in other news, we have a delicious date with a possible photographer tomorrow evening at the glory of northside which is known as melt. fitting to have it there, as he shot the images you are seeing if you followed that link. :) we are in the process of sitting down with a few photographers, so if you are/are dating/are siblings of/child of/parent of/ know of/etc. a photographer who needs work and takes lovely photos, send me an email!

i now introduce to you: jilly's tuesday question of the week! why tuesday? why not! [plus i'm usually off on tuesdays, so it works out that i can post right after french class. woot!] every tuesday, i will ask you some burning question - it might be about weddings, a house project, dream interpretation, parties, existentialism, food, whatever, but i just like to see what's going on with my readers. :) ready for it? cool. here it is:

jilly's question of the week:
mike and i are having bread pudding rather than wedding cake.
we have 4 flavors decided upon.
if you were going to pick the flavor of our 5th one, what would it be?

highs + lows

the lows:
so i spend a chilly cincinnati day off feeling sort of crappy and running errands. one of those errands was to try on some dresses. as you may remember in a previous entry, you may be asking why i did this. well, simply put, i had no idea what size i was or what was out there. i found a 'destination' dress online that was supposed to be at bridal and formal, so i decided to go and see it, but when i got there i was informed that it was, in fact, not there. nor was there amazing customer service, fyi. the young DAAP grad who helped me pick out some dresses to try on was lovely. her desk-hovering boss lady was not, however. one of the dresses i tried on was inspired by this dress i had seen while trolling, but it was made by maggie sottero and had a pink tag, which meant that it was the sample being sold off because that dress is being discontinued. while it was still a small fortune, it was also one of the only things i've seen that is both 'bridal' and 'lovely' simultaneously, and it looked cute as hell on me, so i actually started to consider it. i failed to get the model # while i was there. i ran a few more errands, including dropping off the rock for resizing, which is now going to take 5 days, rather than the 2-3 i was told, based on the design of the ring. frustrated by the insanity of dress after dress, delays in getting my stunning ring back, as well as mending from what might be the onset of flu, i then retreated home and got directly into bed. i stayed there for a while, talking to my sister, trolling the internet for the model # of that maggie sottero dress to get the 'what do you think of this one' email going with the sister, but to no avail, so i decided to call bridal and formal and get the number. i was told by not-so-nice boss lady that she would not be able to look for the dress because i had failed to place a deposit down on the dress today. say what? i didn't put $50 down to 'hold' it because: [a.] i went alone. i didn't have anyone there to back me up or tell me i looked pretty, except for the associate, and she doesn't know me from a hole in the wall. all my friends have jobs where they are required to work on mondays, jeez. [b.] even though my $50 could be transferred to a bridesmaid dress [not happening, since my *only* maid lives in atlanta] or a MOB dress [also not happening, as my mom isn't going to be buying anything from there for my casual-fun-party-marriage thing, especially now, lady], i didn't want to gamble it like that. and since when do commissioned sales associates deny working for a customer? after pulling my jaw out of my lap, i coldly replied, "so... because i didn't put down the deposit, you can't find the one maggie sottero you have on clearance so i can email the model # to my sister so she can give me her opinion on it from atlanta?? ok, well thanks for your help." at that point, she verified my info and said that she'd have sweet DAAP girl call me 'if she remembered'. i'm still waiting on this call... and am no longer interested in anything to do with bridal and formal. good thing i didn't put down that deposit today, eh? ;)

highs:
i was really annoyed and feeling ill. mike came home and made me soup and poured me a glass of apple juice, because he's awesome like that and that makes me really, very lucky. resting did me good, as i started feeling slightly less flu-like [yay!], and then i got back to internet trolling. then this miraculous thing happened. i was frustrated [as i mentioned, oh, about 10 times so far], and right in the thick of this frustration, i found a wedding dress classified site with a dress that i actually like, slightly bigger than my size, for sale by a girl who tried it on once then decided to wear a tea length dress instead, selling for a meager $100. yep. one measly banjamin. i emailed her promptly. now i wait. maybe i can pull this off after all? here's to hoping!

a lack of bourbon

so the j crew dress fitting went well. she tried on 4 or 5 styles, and i got 3-way photos of each sent to me via the miracle of iPhone, and now we're trying to narrow it down to one. currently the favorites are as follows:

the lorelei
the twist tank

the sophia
the serena
the sydney

she liked all of them enough, actually. we have plans to go visit her within the next month or so-ish, and when we do, we will go back with her to see which one will make it to the party. to be continued...

in other news, a refrain from going out on a saturday night: mike and i decided to just stay in on this daylight savings night and hash some things out before this 6 months turned into 6 weeks. we're very close to selecting our venue, as well as working out food options and budget. i will be letting you know as soon as things get a little more solid on these items. stay tuned!

'maids... er, 'maid

due to the simplicity of this shindig, and the smallness of the guest list, mike and i have decided to only have one witness each. that one person for me is, and always will be, my one and only sister. she is taller than i and most folks think she's older than i, but she is still my baby sister. born 3 days short of a year after me, we are 'irish twins', and are the same age for 3 days every year. pretty cool.

this is me, my dad and my sis, at christmas 2009

lucky me, my baby sis, who lives in atlanta, has a j crew bridal location about 15 minutes from her abode [lucky because there are only a handful of them in the US to begin with], so this morning, she has an appointment at j crew to try on her future maid's dress. we settled on j crew due to the simplicity of the dresses, the wearability/not-so-wedding aspect, and relative affordability. she is trying on about 6 different styles. since there's only one maid, and i wanted her to actually be able to wear this dress again, i actually let her pick it out. she was thrilled. she's been a maid quite a few times, and has ended up with a collection of dresses she'll never get to wear again, so this time, i want her to have a keeper. she's sending me photos of her in the dresses, so as soon as i get those, i will post them. i can't wait to see her in them! :)

st. lucia

as i've browsed wedding dresses, i've found that i'm not really inspired by many of them. they just look like... wedding dresses. hm. i guess what i'm trying to accomplish is less of a wedding, and more of an event or party or good time, so it just seems a little silly to be parading around in a big ol' ball gown thing with a forever long train. i found a whopping 2 dresses that i did quite fancy, however, thanks to the internets. sadness came over me as i soon realized that one of them is no longer made, and hasn't been for some time, and the other one was going to cost me my second born child.

thank god for my amazing friend, lucia: derby girl. woman of character. drinking buddy. mom extraordinaire. seamstress for the band... and for jilly. yep, this hellpot of amazing has graciously offered to make me a dress, based on the two dresses i sent her photos of. she's trying to jumpstart a career in self-employment making pretty things for people, and she's going to create my dress. awesomes. and she's been sewing since 'nam. back when she was a married lass, she would openly tell remind me that mike was a 'tall drink of water' [since she's not married, she never says it anymore, as 'it's not appropriate now since she's single again'. see? character.], that she was convinced that we were meant to be, and in spite of my opposition to marriage once upon a time, she was going to make my dress when i finally said yes.

and here we are.

i can't really post pics of the dresses, as i don't want to give too much away and all that, but sewing will commence within the next few weeks. she is making me a mock dress, so we can fiddle with that to get it right before she starts crafting with the fancy fabric. i am thrilled beyond words that such an excellent lady is making something so important for me. and i can't wait to wear it. in the meantime, if you need a rad lady to make something for you, you should email her at luciajackson30[at]gmail[dot]com and hire her for your next party dress. :) or at least go get a drink with her, because you are guaranteed to have a blast.

venues and catering and drinks, oh my!

this week has been devoted to the search for a venue, primarily, with the start of a secondary search for photographers. i'll have to admit, i was ready to toss in the towel already. see, as locals would soon realize after engagement, cincinnati is a weird town. we have all this history in our city... that's sorely neglected, for the most part. there are very few cool, non-church, restored, not-breaking-the-bank locations to get hitched in this town. we have a lot of really lovely parks in cincinnati. we have a dirty river. we have an aquarium [well, newport does, anyway]. we have a banging contemporary arts center. mike and i were looking for something a little less traditional, however, as you may have read somewhere. currently, we have a top 4 for locations. they are as follows:

1. lightborne. this is where mike and i met for the first time, during a labor day fireworks party, so yeah. this could be pretty special. they are actually a video/motion graphics firm, so even though they don't do weddings, it's a modern, creative space with a killer rooftop terrace. and we have a few friends that work there, so they are checking in to see if we can do this. we would have to find a caterer and someone to play bartender, but the view is pretty spectacular.

2. the american sign museum. mike is a docent here, and i think the pics would be phenominal for someone looking to host a wedding a little off the beaten bridal path. you have to come up with your own catering/cocktails, but just think of all that vintage signage and neon illuminating the backgrounds of wedding photos...

3. arnold's. the oldest bar in cincinnati, they have a sweet, vintage inside, but the real treat is the brick-walled patio with a retractable roof [in case of rain]. there is also a partial gazebo for your ceremonial bits, and they cater on-site, so no need to be moving the food around or anything. the owners of arnold's [a married couple, who also got married there :)] have promised via telephone that they will work with any budget on food/drink costs, and there is no cost for the use of the sweet patio, already equipped with stringed lights and everything.

4. the parlour of the historic southgate house. prior home to the inventor of the tommy gun, this historic mansion-turned-local-rock-venue has been a rock home away from home for mike and jill even before we were mike and jill. in fact, i used to see him at shows there so often, in my head i used to refer to him as 'cute southgate house guy'. seems fitting to do some knot-tying here. the bar is available, but food is not, so catering would need to happen here as well.

so there are the frontrunners for venues for us, at the moment anyway. tune in soon for venue booking finalization stuff and also for jill's handy reference tool outlining venues, costs, food costs, etc. for just about every place to have a wedding in this city. i surveyed facebook peeps for suggestions and compiled info on each so you don't have to, and i'm creating a downloadable file for your reference. you're welcome. :)

stranger danger

i guess i should tell you a little more about us, eh?

• no, we are not alcoholics, first of all. we are bourbon fans.
• second, we are also not pregnant [shotglass wedding was just a rad name that mike suggested - he's my idea man. i call him this all the time. it is in, no way, affiliated with the shotgun wedding or unexpected babies].
• we are an early-30-somethings couple who reside in a small historic 'hood in cincinnati.
  
• this is #2 for both of us, actually, as our former spouses were not of the faithful variety.
  
• we have been together 3 years this june.
  
• we met twice, both times through the same mutual friend [hi jason!], but something like 4 years apart. the first time, we were both spoken for by others. not the second. woot!
  
• i have a 10 yr old son from husband #1. he is a-mazing. he is also going to be walking me down the aisle, and this, so far, is my favorite thing about impending nuptuals, aside from the man i am marrying, of course.
• i was a bartender for 8 years [further explaining the shotglass]. so i know a lot of people, and a lot of people want to come to our wedding. this is not happening, however. a lot of people are coming to our reception. only our immediate families and a handful of our super closest are getting an invite to the ceremony. it was really, really hard to make this list, but our budget just doesn't allow for our massive extended families and equally massive list of friends. we hope they understand.
• we are tenatively planning a september 18th wedding. the location has yet to be determined. we're working on this. i'm actually creating a spreadsheet on this, not kidding.
• this event is my personal mission to do the following: marry my awesome fella, not spend a ton of money doing this, and having the event go in a way that is not cliché/tacky/taking ourselves too seriously/showing our poverty hand/hurting anyone's feelings.
  

well, i guess that should be fine for now. no more stranger danger.

i got engaged last week.

he's my bashert, and i adore him.

so, i did what any average self-respecting gal would do, and started trolling through the abundance of wedding porn on the internet as i began my research for our intimate fall wedding this year. as i started the process, i became immediately frustrated with the lack of creative options my city has to offer in the way of alternatives to big productions that are really expensive.

ever-so-determined NOT to have fake moustaches and at my reception and sofas in fields with balloons in my engagement shoot, this is a landing place for my wins and losses with big bridal [and the big bridal that used to be known as DIY], ideas i've stolen that aren't typical, stuff about the little house we bought and are working on, and whatever else i feel like talking about. this blog is my quest to have an original, affordable wedding in the midwestern ho-hum status quo of cincinnati... and also to keep me motivated to not just go and elope. is it possible in this day and age to have an original, creative, DIY wedding that does not look like a martha craft project? i'd like to think that if anyone can do it, these kids can:



we are jill+mike and we don't want a dumb cincinnati wedding. we met twice, once at a party and once at a bar. second time's a charm. we love bourbon, naps and old things. we don't want to spend a ton of money on a wedding when we could use that money for a honeymoon instead. we don't want bridal-rama shows. heck, we don't even like cake. we want to have a ceremony, though, and are on a mission to make this knot-tying something that isn't a massive cliche. we just want to tie the knot in a way that is truly 'us' without going overboard. is it possible?